Infidelity can be defined as any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, and is a breach of faith in an inter-personal relationship.
Sexual infidelity in marriage is sometimes called adultery, philandery or an affair and in other inter-personal relationships it is sometimes called cheating. A man whose wife has committed adultery is referred to as a cuckold, but no equivalent word exists for a woman whose partner has cheated.
Infidelity is not inherently sexual nature, although certain acts of infidelity could be sexual.
What constitutes an act of infidelity varies between and within cultures and depends also on the type of relationship that exists between people. Even within an open relationship, infidelity may arise if a partner to the relationship acts outside of the understood boundaries of the relationship.
SIGNS OF INFIDELITY
1. Number one on the signs of infidelity list is when a spouse becomes emotionally distant, withdrawn or depressed. Most of those who had been cheated on reported this behavior. "He became self-absorbed," one woman told us, "living as if he was single with his own agenda and plans. He became more and more disinterested in me, our family, our friends and our daily needs." Another explained, "His attitude towards me changed gradually, from being an average attentive husband to nearly ignoring me completely towards the end." One man reported, "She showed no interest in improving our marriage. When I tried to show her affection she would not let me, especially not in public. Since the other man traveled in our circle of friends, I later realized she did not want the other man to see her being warm towards me."
2. The second most prominently reported of the signs of infidelity was the fact that the unfaithful spouse became angry, critical and even at times cruel. 70% of those surveyed reported this sign often coupled with emotional and verbal abuse, constant put downs and little to no patience. One woman reported, "At the worst point he was more than disrespectful. He was just plain rude, impatient, angry and aggressive. He was constantly picking fights and refused to help out in the home or with our children. Others reported; "She always seemed somewhat angry at me, like I was to blame for something that was happening." "He showed a low tolerance for our children's behavior. He would snap and snarl at everyone!" "He kept picking apart things I did, like the kind of books I read and the food I prepared." Is your spouse often complaining of trivial things? Do you sense unhappiness in your spouse, but you can't explain it or understand it? (And do they refuse to acknowledge it or talk about it when asked?) Do you feel like you can't do anything right? Do you feel like you keep giving and they keep taking yet they are still unhappy? Yes's to these questions are among the signs of infidelity.
3. Third on the list of the signs of infidelity is the issue of control voiced by those who are cheating. Often they complain that their spouses are "controlling", yet they themselves are guilty of attempting to control. One betrayed spouse reported of their straying partner, "She insisted that I give her more space, that I stop smothering her, and give her room to breathe. Another said their unfaithful spouse began to express a "my way or the highway" type of attitude. Dr. James Dobson in his book 'Love Must be Tough', reports that often preceding a spouses affair is a feeling of being 'trapped' in the relationship. Does your spouse complain about being controlled or that they are being watched, even if you ask very little of what they are doing? Or do you feel pressured to do such and such? If you find that 'control' is an ongoing issue in your discussions with your mate your relationship could be at risk.
4. Fourth on the list of the signs of infidelity was a reported increase in working hours, after work meetings, business trips and a need to work out of town for prolonged periods of time.
5. The fifth and cruelest of the signs of infidelity on the list of our survey results (reported by 50% of those who participated) was illness of the one who is faithful. This is often more a contributing factor than a sign, thus the words of the song "You left me, just when I needed you most." One woman's husband moved the other woman into their home, during her brief hospitalization, the result of a chronic illness. Another woman's husband began his affair while she was laid up with knee surgery. Another during three weeks bedridden with a severe case of pneumonia, another in the ninth month of pregnancy (four days prior to giving birth to their child), and another during her period of recovery from a heart attack. Reality in life is often not a pretty picture. Perhaps our society, which promotes a 'Me first - if it feels good do it' philosophy, contributes to this being among the signs of infidelity. Instead of biting the bullet and remaining faithful, many find themselves tempted during these difficult times by a 3rd party who is more than willing to meet their needs while the faithful spouse has been sideswiped by life.
6. Number six on the list of signs of infidelity was paying extra close attention to their appearance, buying new clothes, losing weight, extra primping, working out at the gym and other sudden fitness endeavors.
7. The seventh of the signs of infidelity was showing more energy and zeal for life, doing things they've never done before or a sudden interest in a new hobby or sport. Interestingly enough this sign was often accompanied by a contrasting lack of energy or depression. "He became withdrawn and seemed to have no energy. He napped or was gone a lot." So zeal for whatever is going on outside the home and lack of zeal for whatever is going on inside the home. "My husband once came home and announced that he was going to a ball game with a buddy. I was only too happy that he was going out to do something really fun with one of his friends. I should have clued in that something was wrong when he added 'It's my turn to do something fun and you can't stop me.' It would never have been my intention to hinder him from having fun. His uncalled for defensiveness, coupled with the extra zeal and enthusiasm for the outing, should have been my clue that his buddy was another woman."
8. Becoming inappropriately defensive when asked questions, was number eight on our list of the signs of infidelity.
9. Signs of Infidelity number nine was becoming extra flirtatious with the opposite sex. One woman reported that it seemed strange the way her husband suddenly greeted other women with a kiss when they were out together visiting friends. (He also became defensive about it when questioned later.) Others reported that their spouse became very defensive about their 'right' to maintain private friendships with the opposite sex. And the faithful spouse was accused of being 'old fashioned' when they justifiably expressed legitimate concerns regarding this potentially hazardous behavior. "She kept telling me that they were 'just friends'. The fact that she continually seemed to need to emphasize it, when I wasn't even asking, should have been an indication to me that something was up."
10. The tenth of the signs of infidelity was an obsessive need for 'private ness' and staying up late at night to work on the computer. When confronted with his excessive late night hours in front of the monitor, one cheater responded "it's none of your business. I'm entitled to my privacy." This is a typical response of an unfaithful spouse. Unfortunately the internet has opened up a whole new way to infidelity. When your spouse suddenly needs a private email or bank account (which they become highly defensive about maintaining) there is a good chance that they are hiding something, and that something is probably marital infidelity. Hiding credit card statements and phone bills are also among the signs of infidelity.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
Some of the symptoms of erection problems or (erectile dysfunction) include being unable to:
Have an erection at any time, either with masturbation or with a sex partner.
Maintain an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse.
Maintain an erection long enough to complete sexual intercourse.
Even with an erection problem, a man may still have sexual desire and be able to have an orgasm and to ejaculate.
Treatment for an erection problems(erectile dysfunction) depends on the cause of the problem, which may be psychological, physical, or a combination of both. Erection problems that have one or more major physical causes also often have psychological factors that make the problem worse and make treatment more complicated.
Many doctors take a stepwise approach to treating erection problems, using the least invasive treatments first. These steps are:
Discovering and then eliminating medications that may be causing your condition. In some cases a different medication can be tried.
Trying an oral medication (such as phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors [Viagra, Levitra or Cialis]), unless an easily treated cause—such as a medication side effect or testosterone deficiency—has been identified.
Trying medications that are injected or inserted into the penis.
Trying a vacuum device.
Trying penile implant surgery or an external penile splint.
Getting counseling if a psychological cause is suspected.
Counseling (also called psychotherapy) or behavioral therapy may be appropriate even if your erection problem has a physical cause. It may be offered if your health professional suspects psychological issues play a role in your erection problems.
For more information on treatment options, see:
What To Think About
It is important to involve your partner in your decision regardless of the treatment you choose.
Oral medications have revolutionized the treatment of erection problems, and they are commonly tried first before other medication or surgery.
Although phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors have relatively few side effects, they can be dangerous in certain men. If you are taking nitrate-containing medications, such as nitroglycerin, you cannot use Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis. You also should not take certain alpha-blockers—used to lower blood pressure and to treat an enlarged prostate gland—with these medications because of the risk of a dangerous drop in blood pressure. Check with your health professional to see whether you can take Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis with your alpha-blocker.
Many men overestimate how important being able to have erections is to their relationships. Some men find that once they are able to have erections again, the hassle of using the treatment is not worth the effort. Other men may find that being able to have erections doesn't change their relationship as much as they or their partners had expected.
Have an erection at any time, either with masturbation or with a sex partner.
Maintain an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse.
Maintain an erection long enough to complete sexual intercourse.
Even with an erection problem, a man may still have sexual desire and be able to have an orgasm and to ejaculate.
Treatment for an erection problems(erectile dysfunction) depends on the cause of the problem, which may be psychological, physical, or a combination of both. Erection problems that have one or more major physical causes also often have psychological factors that make the problem worse and make treatment more complicated.
Many doctors take a stepwise approach to treating erection problems, using the least invasive treatments first. These steps are:
Discovering and then eliminating medications that may be causing your condition. In some cases a different medication can be tried.
Trying an oral medication (such as phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors [Viagra, Levitra or Cialis]), unless an easily treated cause—such as a medication side effect or testosterone deficiency—has been identified.
Trying medications that are injected or inserted into the penis.
Trying a vacuum device.
Trying penile implant surgery or an external penile splint.
Getting counseling if a psychological cause is suspected.
Counseling (also called psychotherapy) or behavioral therapy may be appropriate even if your erection problem has a physical cause. It may be offered if your health professional suspects psychological issues play a role in your erection problems.
For more information on treatment options, see:
What To Think About
It is important to involve your partner in your decision regardless of the treatment you choose.
Oral medications have revolutionized the treatment of erection problems, and they are commonly tried first before other medication or surgery.
Although phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors have relatively few side effects, they can be dangerous in certain men. If you are taking nitrate-containing medications, such as nitroglycerin, you cannot use Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis. You also should not take certain alpha-blockers—used to lower blood pressure and to treat an enlarged prostate gland—with these medications because of the risk of a dangerous drop in blood pressure. Check with your health professional to see whether you can take Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis with your alpha-blocker.
Many men overestimate how important being able to have erections is to their relationships. Some men find that once they are able to have erections again, the hassle of using the treatment is not worth the effort. Other men may find that being able to have erections doesn't change their relationship as much as they or their partners had expected.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
